Emotional Intelligence

I'm finishing listening to the 10th edition of the book "Emotional Intelligence". Lots of examples of why emotional literacy matters and explanations of how the brain works, though there isn't all that much practical advice — but that's for other books and courses.

I'm coming to understand more and more that my main problems at school were due to not knowing how to express emotions. I learned to hold them back. The adults were very pleased with me once I started holding my emotions in, but among my peers it didn't make me any more popular.

It's interesting that what prompted me to hold back my emotions wasn't some punishment or order, but great disappointment in me. When they bought me a present and I still got a satisfactory grade for behavior, they were deeply disappointed in me. Because of that I started restraining myself and behaving impeccably.

And even now I easily find common ground with similar outcasts, those who don't take emotions into account or don't express them enough. It's also interesting that friendship usually doesn't last long with those who don't yet hold their emotions in, because sooner or later they react aggressively to me out of nowhere)

And I almost always respond to aggression with aggression. It turns out this disappoints them, and they stop communicating with me, because at first they were drawn to me by how unemotional I was, and by the fact that I put up with their emotional illiteracy. Yes, I understand and acknowledge that from their perspective their aggression is justified.

And overall it's sad that the education system and culture encouraged people to hold back and hide emotions, rather than to figure out the causes of emotional problems. I see that the current generation is doing somewhat better with this, at least psychotherapy is starting to be seen as normal.