Looking for a hobby
Well, I decided to find a proper hobby, something that's pleasant and interesting to do over the long term, and something that, I hope, is needed not just by me alone. An information project about big cats. Even if I don't manage to make it, then I'll write an article about the failure and that'll already be useful)
The problem with a podcast is that I'm not good at speaking, and because of that editing audio takes a lot of time, and that's not an interesting process, one that requires motivation. And binge-watching TV series, fun and entertaining as it is, I don't see much point in it beyond the rest it gives.
Photography, too, just isn't interesting anymore; photographing the same thing over and over gets boring, and new subjects require ideas and inspiration, which aren't always there. And video games are purely entertainment for me, but I want them to actually be useful.
I ran a news feed about big cats for more than 2 years during my student years and it was interesting. I stopped doing it when I got a job and in my free time I had to learn a ton of new things, because my university education wasn't enough. I really did manage to do the news feed for a long time.
The motivation to go back to developing the Russian project decreased when the authorities there started suppressing the internet, and after 2014 the desire to do something for those who support the occupation of Crimea and the war with Ukraine started decreasing even more. And anyway there was no time for it.
Right now at work I've reached a certain peak and have no motivation to grow, it's not fully interesting or pleasant to me. Management constantly gives me new responsibilities, in which I have no experience and which I can't carry out well, which kills my motivation and I can't do what I know how to do.
And the constant worrying about my family and loved ones in Ukraine knocks my brain out of gear even more. Also at work, if I manage to stabilize the team's work and achieve some success, then management will introduce some changes, which is perceived as sabotaging my team's work.
Yes, I understand that no one sets out to sabotage my work, but it's perceived exactly that way. A psychologist is supposed to help with this, but I don't look for easy paths. If management emotionally demotivates me and motivates me only with money, then that's their problem.
What's more, they demand that I motivate my subordinates emotionally, while usually demotivating me and mocking the idea of turning to a psychologist. So I'll just work on and grow in what's interesting and pleasant for me, this will get my brain working.
I'll be loyal to the team, not the company. Ideally I'd like to find a job where management and the company itself don't cause negative emotions, but my team is wonderful and the atmosphere in the team is professional, as I understand it, that's already something. I think working for the sake of the team is an option.
And professionally I'll grow and gain experience by creating an information site about big cats in my free time. I hope there'll be people willing to join, although I'll understand if they don't want to get involved because since 2007 I've been doing such a site for Russian speakers.
First I plan to translate the Cat Specialist Group articles into Ukrainian. This is exactly what I was doing for another Russian project about wild cats, which never fully launched, as I understand it. Although my edited machine translation will be terrible, we'll see.
Start with the 7-8 largest cat species, and then also add all those whose body length reaches a meter. At the same time, run a news feed, like I did in my student days. I also have an old dream of creating a catalog of films about big cats, maybe I'll manage to take on that dream too.
A catalog of books about big cats wouldn't hurt either, but in Ukrainian there are only a handful of such books, though maybe more. I need to check. What's more, I've already created such a catalog on my personal site, although there it's only the books I have, and they're in English. I'm not sure they'll be of interest.
There's also a box or two of books left in Moscow that the creator of the first major Russian-language site about lions gave us. There most of the books are in English too, but they won't be of use to Ukrainians anymore. Although, when it comes to Moscow, those could be passed on to interested Ukrainians)
Ideally, it would be cool to run a themed blog about big cats based on the articles, books read, films watched, but that already takes more time and skills. I'm more likely to be able to make and maintain a platform for that.
Right now I need to concentrate on translating articles about the 7-8 largest cats, so that there's something to show people and something for those willing to join. Anyone can make the framework for such a project, you need to start with something minimally presentable, but also not put it off.
As I understand it, that other Russian site about all wild cats never launched because they sought to achieve the ideal before launching, even though many people were involved in translating materials for the site. So you need to launch when you have something minimal that you can show. That's the one thing left to find.