A New Beginning

It's been over a month since I created this LJ, and one interesting thought came into my head, but more on that below.

After reading some opinions and thinking it over myself, I came to the conclusion that the diary in the form it exists in now isn't something I need. Who could find it interesting to read about me and about what I think and do? Only those who know me, and you can count such people on the internet on the fingers of one hand. So what's the point of keeping a publicly available diary (other than the chance to write comments on posts)? To find friends? Possibly, but I'm still hard to communicate with and to keep up a relationship with — I wouldn't keep up with someone like that myself, and so I understand perfectly those who, after a while, stop keeping up a relationship with me. In the end it's far easier for me to lose friends than to find them; of course I'm to blame for it, but I am what I am, and the people around me are partly responsible too, but I've gotten used to myself this way and I have no intention of changing radically — besides, it's easier to survive this way.

But then what's the point of keeping an LJ? To express yourself, to learn to write better, but still you need others to read it and find it interesting. Yet this diary in its current state isn't interesting to read even to me. I thought of writing something more or less smart in it, but now I've realized that this takes time and the right mood, and that happens fairly rarely. It might seem there's only one way out left — deleting the diary, but that's a defeat, and I don't like to lose.

And now about that thought…

For quite a long time I held back my second "self" (I don't know what else to call it), only occasionally giving it some free rein. Now there's a chance to fix that. You could say that this diary was created and kept by a person named Andrei under the nickname Abysim. But it's time to set things right, so from here on it will be kept by the white lion Abysim. I think his entries will be more interesting to read, though the character stays the same — after all, we are one :)

Ah, it does feel good to write it all out — another of the reasons to write here, but all right, I'll wrap up and hand over to Abysim; I hope he's less modest than I am and this diary will live on. One more thing — the lion's posts are written in italics, and the person's in normal font, to cut down on the confusion.

Night. What a wonderful time of day, the perfect time to set out on a hunt; by day it's harder to creep up on someone, and if the sun is shining on top of that, then being out in the open is nearly impossible — but that's not the point right now.

First of all, I'm a lion, or more precisely a white lion. Born in a wild African pride. You won't learn much about my childhood, if you learn anything at all. Having survived that period of life by a miracle, I left the pride early and was doomed to death, but people caught me and, you could say, saved me — if it can be called saving, since the following months I lived, if it can be called living, in a cage, and the two-legged ones came to look at me almost every day, though they did feed me well. It was there that I got to know another lion, who was also different from the rest, and he told me about his life, but that's a completely different story. In the end, a few months ago I was being transported from one place of captivity to another; I'll keep silent about the reasons for it, but there was a crash, and here I am, free, who knows where. Since then I've been living here.

Humans I hate and fear; I'm ready to kill, if I meet them and overcome my fear of them — I hope that then the hatred will win. From my own kind, of whom there are few here, I expect nothing good, and I keep my distance. Here everyone is, first and foremost, an enemy — well, the herbivores are also a source of food, but with them too you have to be careful.

You might think I don't have contact with anyone, but that's not quite so. There was and there is one lion here, one I kept in touch with for a while and was glad of it, but with each day I understood that we're as different as night and day. In the end, lately I meet him less and less, which I don't much regret either, though it's easier to survive in a pair — but I'm a loner lion and am used to living this way, to relying only on myself, and right now he is anything but alone. But right now this isn't about others; it's about me, as I understand it.

Maybe everything that happened to me before I ended up here is just a dream or a figment of my imagination, but I hope it really was. Yet what's happening now — that's reality.

I also haven't mentioned my age; I can't say for sure, but for some reason I'm certain that the fourth year of my existence will soon be coming to an end. In my appearance, apart from the color, I don't think there's anything unusual, but it's not out of the question that I'm wrong.

I see that half the night has already passed; it's time to get food, you've got to live, for some reason or other. It's good that there are a lot of clouds and the light isn't enough for the prey to spot me, but enough for me to be able to see, though with difficulty.

I sincerely hope that I'll still have the chance to tell what's happening to me. Now it's definitely time for me to go…